What you may not know about Introverts

The Introverts sat in a row, poised for the question. On the other side of the table, the Extraverts were ready. 

“What do you think of Extraverts?”

The Extraverts laughed.

Each of the Introverts was quiet, looking around or at the table in front of them. The pause was lengthy. An Extravert said, “you don’t have to answer.”

One of the Introverts spoke up, “I can answer. I was thinking.”

This exchange is classic between the two personality types. Extraverts wanting to fill in the conversation lapse and Introverts at ease with the lull.

During the quiet, plenty happening for Introverts. When I watch the Introverts closely, I can see they are deep in thought.

Over the years in facilitating Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) workshops, the highlight for me is how the opposite preferences engage with one another. It has helped me to understand people in my life and how my impressions have been inaccurate and sometimes totally mistaken.

In my previous blog posting, I highlighted 9 things you may not know about Extraverts and the definition of both. 

The question behind the preferences of Extraversion and Introversion is: Where do you get your energy from? 

Extraverts get their energy from being outer directed while Introverts are inner directed.

As an Extravert, I am aware of how Introverts have enriched my life. Here’s what I have learned from Introverts:

1.       Thinking before talking is a hallmark of an Introvert.

            Their preference is to go inward first. 

This can be unsettling for Extraverts who are dealing with the outer realm as their first go-to. Extraverts may want an answer quicker than an Introvert is providing.

Introverts can be perceived as not caring or not wanting to talk about an issue.

When you get to know Introverts, those perceptions are far from the truth.

2.      Introverts offer a good deal to conversations.

I was once in a relationship with an Introvert. We were having “the” conversation. When I asked him where he thought the relationship was going, he said he didn’t know. Then I asked him where he wanted the relationship to go, and he said he didn’t know.

Later I remembered he identified himself as an Introvert. I had a listing of 30 great questions for couples to help understand each other. I emailed them to him.

He began writing a response to the questions and ended up writing 13 pages in response.

When we got back to the conversation, he had a lot to say on the matter.   

Which helped me to understand:

3.      Introverts talk just as much as Extraverts.

            They just like to think first.

Often Introverts have a lot to say on a matter because of their preference of going deeper into a topic.

I have heard Introverts say they appreciate Extraverts to keep a conversation going.

What is intriguing to many is that:

4.      Introverts make great stand-up comedians.

Or anything else where they are doing an activity on their own. This may surprise people as they see Introverts as quiet or wanting to be alone. Introverts have told me that they enjoy doing presentations, where they are in front of a group sharing information. They would prefer not to have interactive components.

One of the key things to remember about Introversion is that it is about how a person gets their energy.  Introverts get their energy from being inner directed.

Another way to look at it is:

5.      Introverts are not shy.

Shyness is a quality that both Extraverts and Introverts have. Shyness is a response to our environment. 

Because Introverts go inside to get energy, I have heard people (probably Extroverts) say that Introverts don’t like doing activities with people but…

6.      Introverts are quite fine with doing Extraverted activity.

To a certain degree. Depending on their energy level combined with the Extraverted activity, Introverts can feel energized. They may prefer to put a cap on the amount of socializing time or be with a smaller group.

            Typically:

7.       Introverts prefer one-on-one interactions or emailing or texting.

This allows them time to consider what the person is saying and how they want to reply. Writing can also be a preferred choice for Introverts.

8.      Introverts make great leaders

Because Introverts go inside first, when they speak they have many of their ideas worked out already, allowing them to articulate in deliberate ways. It works well with their ability to think deeply on an issue.

Introverted leaders include: Barack Obama, Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mahatma Gandhi.

Each of these leaders demonstrates the Introverted quality of:

9.      Ability to focus

Rather than get involved in chit chat, Introverts prefer to focus on a topic. That ability helps them in preparing for presentations or conversations. They prefer to be purposeful when engaging with others.

Any other thoughts on being Introverted? What do Extraverts need to know about you?

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What you may not know about Extraverts

The world is comprised of 50% Introverts and 50% Extraverts. Thankfully.

Because each type can find the other exhausting.

Extraversion and Introversion are the key “attitudes” for personality type. What we know as Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or MBTI.

The MBTI assessment is used all over the world as a tool to help people understand themselves better.

For over 20 years, I have used personality type to help people find the work that will fit best. Where they will shine in the work world. And I have lived my life as an Extravert.

There are lots of misconceptions about Extraverts and Introverts. In this article, we will look at life from an Extravert’s perspective. In the next posting, we will look at Introverts. 

In 1921, Carl Jung, Swiss psychologist wrote Psychological Types and introduced us to the idea of dominant functions.

The premise is this: when you are using your dominant function, you are working in your strengths.

Your personality type is at the core of who you are and though individuation (moving towards wholeness by using all aspects of yourself) is the goal of humans, your dominant function is part of that fundamental part that doesn’t change in your lifetime.

What happens is that as you age, you become more and more of who you really are. 

As you get to know yourself, your functions as defined by Carl Jung, become clearer.

The question around Extraversion and Introversion is: What energizes you? 

Another way to consider this is:

When you are drained or exhausted, what do you do to recharge? 

Extraverts get their energy from being outer directed. They prefer to interact with the outer world; this includes being with others or doing outward activities.

Introverts get their energy from being inner directed. They prefer turn their attention inward; this may include doing things alone or one-to-one.

You perhaps are thinking that you have both tendencies.  Or you may notice that you have one more dominant than the other. We all have the ability to do both.

But we prefer one over another. It’s a function of how our brain works.

Over the my years of delivering MBTI, I have seen some awe-inspiring interactions between Extraverts and Introverts.

One of the activities I facilitate is dividing the groups into their types and then ask them to interview each other. What would they like to know to help them understand the other type?

Here is what Extraverts revealed:

1.         Sometimes what comes out of an Extravert’s mouth is the first time they heard it.

Because Extraverts prefer to work out their ideas by talking them through, they are energized by playing around with ideas. Introverts find this surprising because they will always have thought through an issue first. 

2.         Extraverts put their foot in their mouth.

Because Extraverts prefer to talk before they think, they can say things that may unintentionally offend others.

3.         They can be shy.

Shyness is a response to an environmental situation. It is not a characteristic associated with either Introverts or Extraverts. Extraverts are also not necessarily confident.

4.         They are good initiators

Extraverts like the outer world of doing things, accomplishing and interacting with others. They like starting conversations or suggesting activities.

5.         They are expected to keep the conversation going.

Though Extraverts love to talk things through and start conversations, they find that they are often depended on to keep the party going. Extraverts appreciate being introduced to new ideas. And they can usually run with a new topic.

6.         They have a broad range of interests.

Extraverts preference is to skim the surface; they enjoy talking with a variety of people and are energized by many topics.

7.         Solitary activities are draining.

Going on retreats or spending a weekend alone can make a Extravert wilt. They might have a response like, “too much of a good thing.” Extraverts do not need to be with another person all the time but they prefer not to have extended periods of time alone.

8.         They like meeting strangers.

Going on solo trips is a great activity for the Extravert who is okay with travelling alone. This way they will meet new people and be introduced to new activities. An Extrovert will shine in work where they exposed to new people.

9.         Extraverts can find Introverts exhausting.

And vice versa. Extraverts like a fast-paced conversation. Around an Introvert who like to think first, Extraverts can perceive Introverts as having nothing to say on the matter if they don’t answer right away.

In the gap, an Extravert will want to fill in the space. So before an Introvert has answered a question, an Extravert is on to the next question. As you can see, this would be exhausting for both parties.

Any other thoughts on being Extraverted? What do Introverts need to know about you? 

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The Secret to Getting the Work of Your Dreams

Who’s in charge?

Once upon a time I asked a client what she wanted in her career. She said, “Why are you asking me?”

We laughed. Because wouldn’t it be great if someone else answered for us?

What we want in our career can be dizzying.

Sadly, what takes most of our attention is what we have to do on a daily basis. 

That is why it is easier for me to do the laundry than develop my marketing plan.

What I do know is I want to live a purpose-driven life, one that is in alignment with what is important to me, where I can use my strengths in contributing to others and where I feel like I am firing on all cylinders.

That kind of life/work doesn’t fall on your lap.

It is deliberate.

The secret is to be proactive. 

Mainly because nobody else is going to do it for you.

Proactive behaviour is “anticipatory, change-oriented, and self-initiated behaviour in situations, rather than just reacting.”

It is all about self responsibility. 

I have been thinking about time lately. It is hard not to when you are studying astronomy. Even though the distance to the stars is such massive proportions that is difficult for my head to wrap around, I understand that each one of those stars out there is going to come to an end. A supernovae. A white dwarf.

Our sun has 5 billion years left. Phew!

Like everything thing in our universe, there is a shelf life.

As morbid as this sounds, knowing your own mortality is critical to your career success. If life went on and on, it would be easy to stay on your couch watching Netflix. (It wouldn’t be that difficult - there is an eternity of episodes on popular series.)

Change is our stimulus.

Unlike other products of nature, humans have the amazing ability to create the change that we want. To me it seems a shame to waste that bonus.

When you are not being proactive in your career, here’s how I see it playing out:

1.         You climb the wrong career ladder.

People who do well at their job are promoted to the next rung. Someone who is great at computer sales is promoted to a manager.

Except they may not be particularly good with being in charge of other people. Or they are doing tasks which leave them cold.

The increase in salary is alluring.

But there are some opportunities you should take and some you should not.

2.         You stay in a job where only some of your talent is being used.

Just enough that you don’t hand in your resignation. One day in a quiet moment, this question may cross your mind – “Am I living up to my potential?”

3.         You wait for retirement.

Retirement may not seem that far off. In this scenario, you may be spending daytime dreaming about all the things you are going to do when you are done with your J-O-B.

4.         You lose motivation.

If you are in an environment where there are others who feel trapped in their jobs, this becomes the new normal. Countdown to the weekend. Hump day. The jokes: “If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.”

(If you want to see some entertaining jokes on hating your job, search for I hate my job and then look at images.)

The energy required to move yourself out of that stuck place feels too enormous to even know where to begin.

 5.        You start experiencing other issues.

Like health problems. Or unhealthy behaviours.            

Because not all parts of us agree with the idea that it is okay to stay in work that doesn’t fit for us. 

So how do you become proactive at work?

For me, this is a process I could learn more about. A definite work in progress. As a solopreneur, there is so much to learn. Some parts of the business I do well. And some parts where I suck.

What I have noticed is there is a payoff when I am proactive. It always moves me forward.

Wondering about how you can be proactive about your work? Here’s some thoughts:

1.         Being proactive means looking at the big picture.

If you are unhappy with the work you are doing, what exactly is it that isn’t working for you?

Do you have a vision of where you would like to be?

Do you know how you can contribute the most?

Being proactive means getting a handle on what is working and what is not.

2.         Being proactive means making a plan.

Even if you don’t have the answers.

A plan could mean making room in your life on how to be proactive. It could be developing a vision of your work life. If you don’t have a vision, it is hard to know where you are going.

 

3.         Being proactive means taking some action.

Even if it is figuring out the problem. Here is an article on how to solve problems.

Are you being proactive? What are some ideas that you have used to get you moving in the right direction?

Click on the comment button below. Share your thoughts!

What is your greatest accomplishment?

What is your greatest accomplishment?

8 (Flawed) Things You Say When You Are in a Crappy Job

We’ve all been there. My crappy job was working in a factory. By the second day, I had mastered all of my tasks. By the end of the first week, I was categorically bored.

Here’s why I didn’t walk out the door:

• I had rent to pay next month.

• My aunt had pulled strings to get my job; she told me I better not quit.

• I had spent all of my savings while looking for a job.

Each day I looked at my long-term co-workers and wondered how they could stay there for 20 years (or more!).

Now I know my boredom is a pretty good clue that job wasn’t a good fit for me. There are other signs: frustration, annoyance, unhappiness, resentfulness, feeling lost, restlessness, and feeling either depleted or disheartened. 

The feelings are accompanied by thoughts, often conflicting. Wanting to stay. Wanting to leave.

When I talk to people who are unhappy in their work, they have a lot of reasons to stay in their job. Here’s what some of them have to say and my response:

1.         “My work isn’t all bad. I like the people."

I remember once talking to my Spanish teacher about the idea of moving and how I didn’t want to move because I knew so many great people. He told me that great people are everywhere.

            Good point.

Although it is imperative to have a work environment where you feel at ease and enjoy your team members, your motivation and satisfaction level is measured by an internal drive. Intrinsic motivation. Examples of intrinsic motivation are knowledge, growth, accomplishment.

            Staying in a job mainly because of the people will eventually wear thin

If you are in a job where the majority of the time you are involved in activities that do not engage you, you will be counting the hours until the weekend no matter how great the people are.

2.         “I can’t afford to make a change.”

            If your job is sucking your life energy, you can’t afford not to make a change.

There can be a high cost to staying in a crappy job. Always an interesting activity is looking at how you spend money. Especially when unhappiness enters the equation. Coping strategies are about creating ease and happiness in other areas of life. Take out coffee every day? Going out for lunch?

In addition to the financial costs of not making a change, it is intriguing to watch the willingness to trade happiness or meaningfulness for financial gain.

3.         “Something familiar is so much more appealing than something unknown.”      

Yes. Familiar feels better. Because our survival feels like a guarantee if we stay on the couch.

            We are hardwired for survival so there is a strong tendency to stay with the familiar.

Except humans are more complex. There also is a strong pull to learn and grow and that takes us into the unknown.

            When I made a big change in my life, I carried this quote around with me:

“A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.” — John A. Shedd.

4.         “I’m scared.”

This is tied to the previous item in that fear is one of those feelings integral to making sure that you are safe.

If you know that any time you do something new that fear is going to come along for the ride (and it does), you can have a little chat with it.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Big Magic, wrote a letter to fear. She talks about it here.   https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/posts/980409515374497:0

5.         “It’s called work for a reason.”

Embedded in our culture is a sense that being miserable at work is the way it’s supposed to be. Indeed the 70% of people are not engaged with their work according to a Gallup poll.

That belief is one of those shrewd traps to keep us in our place. The underlying component is fear.

There is a price you pay when you are miserable at work: physical ailments, emotional and mental conditions, disconnection from ourselves. It also spills over onto your family and relationships. 

What do we model to our children when we are coming home depleted and cranky from crappy jobs?

6.         “Work isn’t that important. My family is.”

Work is a significant part of who you are.

Work is an expression of who you are. When you are introducing yourself, the first question that often arises is what you do.

Work is where you develop your mastery and where you contribute to others. Whether you get paid for it or not.

             So it isn’t a matter of family or work; it’s about both.

7.         “I can’t imagine anything different.”

Once I met with a client and asked him what kind of work that he wanted to do. He said that no one had ever asked him that. And so he found work that he saw around him – what his father or friends did.

Except he was having trouble staying in one job. As we worked together, what he found out about himself was how important it was to work with people. Being a mechanic alone in a shop wasn’t working for him.

Imagining that you can find work that makes you happy can be new and strange. But once you find it.....

Author Barbara Sher offered an analogy for a person finding their fit. She thought of a horse being raised in a basement. Even though it has no idea what a pasture was, when it gets out there, it just knows what to do.

That is true for you. When you find that great work fit, you will move into it with amazing ease (and joy!).

8.         “I can address my crappy job issue later…. (when the kids are out of the house, when the mortgage is paid, etc.).”

Also known as the martyr syndrome. There is an illusion that there is lots of time and that what you want can be put on hold because of other priorities. But is that true? What we know for sure is we have no idea how much time we have on this planet.

When you have a crappy job, a question to reflect on is how going to work every day is a priority yet what you actually do during work time is not.

So how do you get out of your crappy job? You start moving in the direction you want to go. How do you figure out that direction? One step at a time.

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